Okayyyy so Shawn came over around 7 and we played super smash bros brawl. Then my sister came home and wanted to play it obsessively. And he got bored but Sam didn't. So we stopped playing and I kept telling Sam to go away but she wouldn't take the hint. WTF. Dumb little sister. So Shawn and I ended up moving downstairs. We stood around in the kitchen and talked about stuff. And I gave him a tour of the house for awhile and then we ended up in the lichen again before my dad came home.

My dad said hi awkwardly like I told Shawn he would. So yeah... He retreated upstairs for the night and I tried to get Shawn to eat because his stomach was making a bunch of sounds. Then I had to feed him a couple times before he would do it himself. Lol. Then I grabbed him from behind and we started waddling around the island in the kitchen. And then we went back into the living room and he sat on me cuz I was still behind him. We ended up laying on te floor for awhile just talking and cuddling. We talked about a ton of random stuff like waterbeds, WWII, grandparents, etc. And he kept rolling over and switching places with me. Lol. So yes, there was some rolling around involved. And I ended up getting sex hair after awhile. And I was on top of him once. Not straddling him but I was propped up over him. Then he turned it around on me. And once he tried to pick me up and he couldn't do it so well. I warned him that I was heavy. And he said he was just weak. When he laid me down on the couch he kinda just hovered over me for awhile. Then he kissed my cheek And a couple times he almost touched my boob and butt. Lmao. I guess he doesn't aim so well since I'm always wearing baggy clothes. We got a lot of facetime too. So that was cool. He would always say my nose was cold. And he had his chin on my boob once. That kinda hurt.

We wandered back into the kitchen again and we talked about my happy week. Lmao. He asked if I was still on it and I said "no. Would it make it awkward if o was?" since we were super close. He said no. So I continued with some more details. He didn't get awkward. Actually he got curious. Lmao. He asked if I bled on the sheets. And what I did to get it out. Guys are weird.

He left around midnight. We were standing at my front door for maybe ten minutes. What about? He looked weird and I asked him what was up. He said nothing I said it was something. We started our usual game only with roles reversed. He eventually said something. And o asked what. And the game started over again. All o this while we were forehead to forehead. Lips maybe an inch or less apart. I did this on purpose cuz I knew what was on his mind and wanted to make it easier for him. I even closed my eyes for a bit. But he didn't take it so I rolled my head onto his shoulder. And laid there for a sec. Eventually he gave in and kissed me tho. I remembered to close my eyes but I didn't remember to part my lips. They were stuck together anyways. He said that he was thinking about it for the last half hour. And then he kissed me goodnight a second time but I forgot to close my eyes that time. orz. Luckily he didn't see. He took a second to open his so I think I'm safe. Lol.

He's gonna pick me up tomorrow and we're gonna go meet nel's mom since she's doing well. It'll be interesting.

We were both both having an issue falling asleep tonight. Rather he wasn't going to bed so I called him and said go to sleep please and he just laughed. And now we're still talking. I guess he knows what I'm gonna say to him tomorrow. Ah well. It works out.

Alright so I've decided that I'm not gonna call it a rebound anymore and just admit that I do like Shawn. It's a little weird for some reason but I feel like ivefinally just down something off my chest so that's all cool and everything. Soooo....over the weekend I asked him what his facorte smoothies flavor was his favorite. He aid probably orange and somehow we ended up setting up a date for orange julius, the dollar store, and paranormal activity. No set date but we said it's happening. Andddd today he wasn't feeling so great so I got on him about it. And I had actually thought about askin him out. Normaly I would've just waited around for him to ask me but since he was having a bad day that probably would've cheered him up. I didn't end up doing it tho. But apparetly summer and Katie ha been watching us while we were talking at the end of th day. Orz. I shouldve figured it would happen someday. But nothing happened so it wasn't all that embarrassing. But if I had asked for a kiss on the forehead he probably would've done it.

Mmm...so we went back home and he said he was sleepy and we texted until one of us fell asleep. He did first of course. Lol. Then he told me I was good at figuring out how he was feeling through text. He told me I was the best at making him smile. Thennn I asked what he was doing and he was taking a bath As in actually sitting in the tub and texting me. Lol. And I said I suppose it would be awkward if I texted you now. And he replied maybe. I said maybe I will. And he said alright. So I did. Just to make him lol. I didn't end up catching him in te tub but he was getting dresses which was probably more awkward than catching him in the tub. So we randomly talked on the phone for awhile and it wSnr so bad. We kept up. Fairly nice conversation. The weirdest part was him asking me how I pirnon my pants. Lmfao. He meant what leg first. So he wondered why it was creepy and I told him it sounded like something a creeper would say. So he asked me if I thought he was a creeper. I told him no, I don't love creepers. And he said I love you too. Lol.

I told nel that I called him while he was bathing and she did t sound too happy about it. Nel still thinks he's a jerk and icky. And I was a little upset by the fact that she would t be happy if we got together. She told me she would be happy for me but it wouldn't sit well with her. Idk. The others seem to think it's just fine.

Anyhow that's what I've got for today. Getting ready for valentines dayyyy. Need to remember take picturesssss

Hokay so I got into this tizzy with nel where she thought I was calling her stupid. Ibwas telling her I was worried that she may flunk senior year because she has a tendency to get into a ton of drama becuse she just doest nootice things. So after a bunch of stuff I sId I didn't want to talk to her for awhile becUse I let things settle and resolve things later so nobody rages. I tol her I did that with Braden and now we are fine. She replied "I didn't dump you in a movie theater." and then continued saying "I hope we don't go through this every single time." we wouldn't hAve to go through this the first time if you has let me deal with this myself.

So then later today she texted me again saying she was getting irritAted and that if I didn't talk to her by the end of the week she was going to stage an intervention with her personal counselor mitsy. WTF? She did this with Katie and summer too and they aren't her friends anymore. I wish she could stand on her own for once. And forcing me to talk to her won't get anything going in the right direction. I'm sick an swamped with hw. I don't need her bs right now.

But anyways after nel made me cry with that tonight Shawn and Katie stopped by to Be the wonderful friends they are. We hung out in my room for a couple hours and I felt better but I can't guarantee thatill be alright if nel talks to me again.

I have this thing with Shawn where I sId I would ninja tackle hug him from behind but he's always wearing his backpack or facing me. So I never really have the chance. But as he was leaving I had the perfect chance. If only it weren't snowing and slippery I totally would've done it. Boo. And earlier tonight I opened up my door but then it bounced off my backpCk and I bumped my forehead on it. I texted Shawn about it Nd he said he would kiss it tomorrow if I really wanted him to. Lol it's because when I was drunk on lacknof sleep and just got off the phone wig Emily I had bumped my shoulder and bruised it. I told shawn to "kiss it and make it feel better." he said then that he would bug didn't the next day. I got on him about it later and he sId next time he would. So lol. Idk if I'll bother him about it tomorrow. It would be interesting if he followed through with it.

Hmmm...I was textin him and hesaid he wasn't sleepy but laying in bed...but he hasn't texted back. That liar. We were in the middle of an I love you war. He's like the first guy who understood the I less than three you thing without being an Internet junkie. Lolalrightu typos galore. Faking iPod.

I can't see my pAst journal entries on the lj app so I'm just going to assume I've already written about what Braden said to me which I wasn't initially bothered about. However it started to eat away at ne throughout the week and he acted as if nothing had happened at all. So I tried meeting up with him after school several times. The first time I chickened out and said I didn't have anything to say when he said it looked like I did. Then I went back the day after and told him I honestly felt really awkward and he told me that he didn't feel awkward and that I was the one making it awkward.I skipped onto another topic and said maybe we shouldn't hug anymore and he said fine maybe he won't. Sort of in a defensive joking tone. Then he started laughing and walking away. I shouted that I was serious and he just laughed some more.

That was what really threw me off. Not the fact that he didn't want to go out with me because I wasn't Christian. So I've been in a bit of a daze for the past week and have been super tired and not cheery around my friends. So much that nel and Emily came over as a surprise and dropped off some gift baskets in tiger masks. That didn't completely fix me tho. I visited the history room as usual to visit myfriends and he corners me and grabs my backpack when I try to get away saying he won't let go unless I hug him and this was 30 seconds after the minute bell rang so I had no choice. Then he tends to try to get into conversations with me and Shawn which can get frustrating when I'm trying to get him outnof my head.

He didn't talk to me today. However something else happened. Yesterdaybi texted Adam that I wasn't feeling so great about what happened and he asked if he could do anythinn through text and then told me he was there if I ever needed someone to talk to which was what I told him back in september. So after history class he says he needs to talk to me and he says what he said to me in his texts. So it was really nice of him. Like super duper and I never dreamed that I would even ge that much outta him. And then he asked me if I wanted a hug. I told him the night before that it felt morally wrong to me to hug a guy in a relationship so lol. It was a nice sincere hug. And as we were hugging Braden walks by. Holy shit I didn't even see him. So I see him over adam's shoulder and whisper that he's coming. At this point I'd never mentioned that it was Braden. So as he walks past Adam just raises his arm and says hey. Lol. I had a little spazzing moment in front of him before thanking him and going to lunch. My mood increased like crazy.

But I do fel like I've hurt Braden and I feel horrible about it. Some girl was giving him a hard time in math class today and I reallly wanted to hug him cuz I felt so bad and he really didn't deserve it. Plus my ignoring him and not hugging him and hen finishing it off by intimately hugging Adam definitely wasn't good. But right now I think it would be best for me so I don't get my hopes up for a relationship when we've already established that Im not what he's looking for. It's my mental health vs keeping people happy. Which makes me happy. I'm a very conflicted teen at the moment.

Excuse all the atrocious typos in this entry. I'm typing on my iPod Which doesn't have the biggest or most accurate keyboard ever.